How to Start Healing after A Heartbreak

Published: 15th September 2006
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If you've just come out of a rough time in your relationship, you know that you never want to feel like that again. However, these kinds of times can leave both of you with hurt feelings and a sense that things just aren't the way that they used to be. When you both want to make things work, you need help to get you off the side road of pain and onto the journey to healing.

Admit the feelings that you have

One of the most important steps that you can take in the beginning of the healing process is to admit that you are hurt. Too many people like to hide behind their anger and their suffering, when in reality; they are just expressing their hurt. Tell your partner that you have been hurt and how they have hurt you. This isn't about blaming them, but rather trying to be vulnerable so that you can move forward.

Be patient

Things aren't going to go back to the way that they were overnight. You need to realize that there are actually two people that are trying to heal right now, so they might not heal at the same pace. Allow each other to heal at whatever rate is necessary because when you try to hasten the process, you can backtrack.

Let them have their space

A tried and tested method of healing is to let each other figure out how you feel and how you need to deal with it. Let your partner do what she needs to do, as she will let you do what you need to do. But in the end, it's the fact that you come back to each other to tell the other what you have found out that allows you both to heal. Smothering each other with attention can be stifling, so you need to have some space.

Try to understand everything you are told

When people are in touch times in their relationships and they're trying to move on, they will have confusing emotions and ideas in their head. They might not know what you do about these ideas, and might have a hard time expressing them. In order to make sure that you understand everything, you will want to clarify things that your partner says. This doesn't mean that you want to over-think their words, but you will want to ask questions if you don't understand and have them explain things to you.

Refuse to accuse

When you're trying to heal after a rough spot, you always want to remember that it took two people to start the relationship, so it will take two people to heal it. Accusing your partner of doing wrong is not a healthy way to start a healing journey. Try to focus on what you both could work on and how you're going to do that.

Get help

You might need to find an outside observer that can tell you what you might need to correct. This can be a therapist or a well-written book that walks you through couple building exercises. In either case, you need to make sure that you're looking outside of your relationship as well to get all of the possible insights into where you can improve in order to avoid hard times again.

Be available

When you're both healing after a miscommunication or something more serious, you both will want to know that you can talk to each other at any time. If you're not living together at the time, be sure to be accessible by phone or email as much as you can. If you are together, be sure to set up times to talk about your problems and how you are handling them now.

And in the end, being honest is the key to healing. You can't start getting past what you've been through if you're not completely honest about what you're feeling and what you want from the relationship now.

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